in the end, i want to die like the ocean

by

september lin

which, of course, never really dies so much as goes on and
on and on until it forgets itself. in this way, i want to slip away

as quietly as the currents carry water by. i want to kiss everyone
i was too scared to say (( i love you )) to on the forehead,

then steal down to the beach at night. i want to be like the sea turtles
that return to the shore where they were born. i want to make my life

as symmetrical as their shells. i was born screaming in the dark
on a vast sea so a vast sea i shall return, kicking my way towards

the horizon until i'm born again in the land of (( here be dragons )). i want to wait
for the tide to fall, so i can lie down on the new world it reveals. i’ll build

a sand castle out of untouched earth and bury my love for everyone
in it. it may not last the tide, but i’ve never tried to be great. to die

mediocre and loving would be enough. i want to write down my deeds
and float them in bottles, flout the sand with its own, hardened and buoying

back into the past - (( the lone and level sands stretch far away… ))
i want the ocean to lap my face like a curious kitten’s tongue.

i want it to tuck me under and sing (( shh-shh-shh,
you’ve done good, you’re done now, but you’ve done good. ))

i want to be a bitter pill under its tongue, reveling
in each second i stay alive. i want to be loaded with truth

and hard to swallow. i want it to crawl across my face. i want us
to cry together. i want my last sight to be the worlds behind my eyelids

going out, the microcosmos of tide pools in my sockets flaring up
into bright, brilliant life. i’ll be that galaxy’s night, its dark, vast sea.

i’ll go on and on and
on. ) ) ) ) )

september lin is an enthusiast of waterfalls, spinning in the rain, and sitting in the ocean. their poetry has most recently been in snowflake magazine and ice lolly review.